I don’t want to alarm anyone but I think that someone is watching me.
This person is everywhere I go. Every time I wake up, they are there. When I come home from work or jump into the shower, I know he is there.
Not only does this person shadow me wherever I am, they tell me things. Not nice things either.
He criticises me whenever he has a chance and tells me that I’m fat.
He tells me I have eaten too much.
He tells me I don’t train enough.
He tells me I am a terrible husband and dad and that I am a poor excuse for a person.
As much as I try not to listen, I do. And it hurts. And I don’t mean a little bit. I mean it really hurts.
And he isn’t just a critic. He tells me not to do things, not to enjoy myself. He exploits any sliver of doubt I have and uses it to great effect.
This all makes me depressed sometimes. Makes me feel worthless and makes me want to lie in bed all day and feel sorry for myself.
The point here is I know I am not alone in this. I know that every other person on this planet has someone that does exactly the same to them. That they too are never alone and can never do or say anything without judgement from their own greatest critic.
Everyone’s biggest critic is themselves.
Not an actual other person saying these things out loud. It’s a voice inside your head. No wait a minute, it’s not a voice inside your head, it is your head talking to you!
We don’t need others to doubt us, when we are our own worst critic. What could they say that could be half as hurtful as what we already tell ourselves?
Yet we can overcome these voices. Everyday. We drag ourselves out of bed and go to work. We look after our family and friends. We plaster a smile on our face and leave the house. We get on with our lives whilst dealing with the criticism.
Everyone has their own ways to deal with this. I do this by thinking about things that I have done in the past whilst going against what I was being told by myself.
Those times when you didn’t think you could do it. But you did. You did it and felt proud that you had beaten yourself and overcome.
That is how it works in my head, how I keep going. And each time I overcome that voice, the weaker the voice becomes.
But I know he will always be there.
Keep It Simple
This was first published on Fitbox Blog in October 2017